Breakups can be physically and psychologically taxing, we are stronger than we realize.
A broken heart. a stabbing to the heart A bullet to the heart. scarred, broken, and injured. If heartbreak had another name, would it be any less painful?
Mark Leary, a professor of psychology, claims that “we use these odd terms that if somebody truly did it to you… it would really be painful.” In his research, he discovered that in at least 14 languages, the words humans use to express hurt feelings are used to describe physically painful situations.
According to Leary, who oversees Duke’s social psychology program, “there’s been a very strong correlation between feelings we have when we’re rejected and this physical sensation for a very long time.”
And with good reason: Suffering from a shattered heart is both a bodily and an emotional experience. A study discovered that presenting recently dumped persons photographs of their ex-partners activated regions of their brains related to physical pain. The findings was published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. Other studies have also revealed parallels between the ways in which our brains process rejection and pain.
According to Leary, a portion of the brain mechanisms used when someone’s sentiments are wounded by rejection of any kind are the same ones used to experience physical pain.
Why? According to Leary, our bodies have two mechanisms for coping with pain: one is a physical injury, and the other is a distressing emotional response. Blood indicates where harm was done from a cut, and unpleasant feelings urge you to bind it up. There is no blood when it comes to rejection, like a breakup, but there are plenty of unpleasant feelings that make you want to keep close ties in the future.
According to Leary, “You’re evolutionary engineered to have these types of reactions.” And it’s a good thing you do, too, because if you didn’t, you’d act badly in your relationships and get rejected by everyone.
Here’s a closer look at where and why heartbreak hurts:
The Heart
Though it may seem dramatic, going to the emergency hospital for a shattered heart is sometimes the proper course of action: According to a study, the 30-day period following a partner’s passing is when people are roughly twice as likely to experience a heart attack or stroke.
According to study and recent research shows up to 2% of patients who end up in the hospital with what appears to be a heart attack actually have fractured heart syndrome that completely alters the cardiac muscle shape.
Individuals with the illness typically have chest pain and shortness of breath, and their ECG results resemble those of those who are having a heart attack. However, a closer examination reveals that “their coronary arteries are normal – there are no obstructions causing the anomaly in the heart muscle,” according to Sirna.
What is happening? While going through a stressful moment like a divorce, the death of a spouse, a bad medical diagnosis, or significant financial difficulties, she explains, “it definitely has to do with adrenaline and sympathetic surge.” Yet, we don’t fully comprehend the mechanism.
The Mind
A breakup might be especially traumatic if you see your ex as your better half, or even merely your other half, according to Gary Lewandowski, chair of the psychology department at Monmouth University in West Long Branch, New Jersey. Many respondents to his research’s question on how a breakup affected them mentioned their sense of self, saying things such, “I don’t know who I am anymore.”
We may actually learn about ourselves and develop as people through our interactions, he argues. He continues, “When the source of growth is gone, a part of our identity is gone, too.”
Lewandowski’s research demonstrates that the contrary is also true: In relationships that don’t promote as much personal development, the breakup can be more beneficial. According to him, these people have happier feelings and greater personal development after a divorce. You will gain from ending your relationship if it isn’t allowing for enough self-expansion, he says.
The Stomach
Can’t eat? Feeling queasy? You feel a lump in your throat? All of these are typical responses to heartbreak, which Leary says frequently triggers the body’s “fight or flight” response. The pit that forms in your stomach when you are truly terrified comes from the exact same location.
You feel threatened in both scenarios, and your body gets ready to fight or run away by diverting blood from your stomach and delivering it to your muscles. Digestion halts, and this is what causes you to feel nauseous, according to Leary.
But just as a tense airline ride or public speech fades, so does heartache – and sooner than we anticipate. In one study, first-year college students in romantic relationships were followed for six months while being questioned on a regular basis how upset they would feel if their relationships ended. Less angst than anticipated was indicated by the participants after the breakup had occurred.
Lewandowski’s study has revealed that people’s emotions following a breakup are more likely to be pleasant than negative. He claims that because of this, “we overestimate how horrible breakups are going to be, which generally pulls us toward staying in that relationship.”
It’s important for people to voluntarily accept pain, despite their reluctance to do so.
